General Habits
Confidence is marked by composure, fear by haste. It is the sum of a man’s habits that determines what he is. Few people realize the difference between the thought habits of a fearful man and those of one who is self-confident.
The man with fearthought in his mind goes to the fields for a morning walk. He looks timidly about him for possible run-away horses. As he walks along, he examines the grass lest a snake suddenly run up his trousers. He hears the mooing of a cow and has visions of the animal charging him, or possibly a distant voice startles him into thinking he is trespassing on private grounds. Meanwhile, with his mind overcharged with these and other fearthoughts, he misses all the beauty and invigorating effect of his environment.
A self-confident man, on the contrary, sees first, perhaps, the opal tints in the autumn leaves; sees a profusion of wild flowers–golden-rod, ox-eyed daisies, and sweet-scented clover; hears twittering birds and locusts, watches great billows of gray clouds riding the blue, or sees the breakers rolling majestically on the shore. He sniffs the breeze into his nostrils, and looking heavenward exclaims: “How wonderfully beautiful is Thy handiwork!”
A man should cultivate his individuality and independence. Let him recognize as early in life as possible that there is a definite place for him in the world which no one else can fill. This should give him a sense of personal pride and a determination to qualify for his high estate. There are, of course, established customs which a man must observe, but he should not hesitate to ignore public opinion if he deem it for the highest good. The world’s greatest reformers have been intrepid men, who dared to do right in face of criticism, persecution and even death.
Some men devote all their lives to little things and wonder why they never achieve anything worth while. It is as though a man should content himself with conducting a peanut-stand when all the while he might be a great lawyer. Self-imposed limitation, a wrong idea of values, or a narrow and perverted view of life, holds many a man in bondage who might be scaling the heights. It is said that there are still business men who use the backs of old envelopes for scribbling paper while writing-pads may be bought for twenty-five cents a dozen. A mind that is constantly absorbed in little things, that adjusts its eye to see out of the small end of’ the telescope, has no place for the large and glorious possibilities of life.
A high quality of self-confidence breeds generosity in a man. He can not stoop to do a mean thing. He pays his way wherever he goes–or he doesn’t go. He refuses to be a sycophant. A man should remind himself ninety-and-nine times every day to make the most of himself. His mind as well as his body should be constantly disciplined. The effort to put a new set of habits into force should be as continuous as possible, since many broken resolutions eventually weaken character.
Self-respect is the very basis of self-confidence. If a man makes little of himself, others will make still less of him. If he fails to observe the conventionalities he may easily suffer in the estimation of others. Obsequiousness is wholly distasteful and instantly writes a man down as inferior. It is possible to be gentle without being effeminate. Gentleness is controlled strength. A strong personality does not move in jerks but in curves, and its consciousness of power frees it from the necessity of going on exhibition. Violence is weakness. It is an admission of inferiority, and repels where it aims to control. Anger is an enemy to self-confidence. It dissipates a man’s forces and lessens his influence with others. It leads him at length to discouragement.
A pernicious mental habit is that of discouragement. Instead of mending matters, it aggravates them and works destruction. Difficulties should be met courageously, for when a man says “I can!” and “I will!” it is marvelous how clouds of discontent may be dissipated. A clenched fist struck upon a table may instantly shake off the shackles of mental servitude. It has been said, indeed, that death itself will wait for a brave spirit.
Some men are forever traveling in the wrong direction. “If I travel straight on from here, how far is it to New York?” asked a stranger of a passer-by. “Well,” said he, “if you keep straight on the way you are going it is about twenty-five thousand miles, but if you turn around and walk the other way it is about a mile and a half.” It is not sufficient that one keep going; he must move in the right direction. Doing the wrong thing many times never makes it right. Experience should teach us not to commit the same error twice.
Our estimate of a person may completely be reversed by some untoward circumstance. A slight money transaction has been known to destroy a lifelong friendship. A trifling criticism, made in an offensive tone of voice, may turn good-will into deadly hate. It is a canon of good form in conversation that only pleasant things be said of any one. Argument, pedantry, inquisitiveness, and interruption are alike forbidden by tact and considerateness.
Every man is more or less conscious at the close of day of duties unfulfilled, of work neglected, or of opportunities lost. He realizes sometimes how much more and better he might have done. He may well ask himself the cause of these repeated failures. Is it lack of will? Is it want of energy, definiteness, or initiative? If he would take conscious possession of the powers within him, all these faculties might quickly be developed. It is not surprising that men fall so far short of their ideal when they make so little effort to attain it.
Avoid the hat-in-hand attitude, the habit of seeking favors, and especially that of wishing something for nothing. Independence is a quality of greatness. A letter of introduction easily may be an acknowledgment of weakness. A man who succeeds with such a letter would succeed just as well without it. The important thing after all is the man himself. Senator Beveridge tells young men to give heed to little matters commonly neglected. He says: ‘’ Use clean linen. Wear good and well-fitting clothes. Take care of your shoes. Look after all the details of your personal grooming.” Who will doubt that Senator Beveridge himself owes his distinction in considerable degree to this careful attention to little things!
Courage is admired; fear never is. Courage is dignified; fear is repulsive. A particularly good story is told of a dog named “Jerry.” No one knew where he came from, nor what kind of a dog he was, but from the beginning he was kicked and abused as an absolutely worthless animal. His very attitude invited the treatment he invariably received. One could see that he expected to be kicked, and kicked he was. When his farmer-master went to town this dog would slink under the wagon and run along half-scared. The dogs along the route spied him out, however, chased him and fought him until he closely resembled the losing side of the fiercest kind of a dog fight.
Altogether he was a very miserable and unhappy dog, and one day, chased by his fellow canines, fell into a trap that had been skillfully arranged by some boys, and down he went into the pit. A little later a young bear of an investigating turn of mind dropt into the pit too, and Jerry at once scented trouble. A series of fights ensued in which the dog seemed to be getting the worst of it, and the bear was putting the final touches on him, when suddenly, Jerry appeared to wake up and to take on a new lease of life. He jumped at the bear’s throat and gave him reason for retiring to a corner to reflect a little. From this time on Jerry displayed a large set of teeth not unlike those seen on the top of dentists’ sign.
He also gave an occasional snarl which caused the bear to remain quietly in his corner. Next morning the boy shot the bear and lifted the dog out of the pit alive. Jerry had completely changed in character, poise and self-respect. He ran toward home with a new self-confident air. His old dog friends did not at first recognize him; when they did the first chased him as usual, but received a surprise that made it necessary for him to be sent to the dog hospital. From this time on Jerry gradually came to be regarded as the biggest dog in town, and he gained the respect and good-will of every dog for miles around.
Many a man is like Jerry. “With fear written across his face, he is denied even before he asks. He is taken advantage of at every turn, for people quickly see what manner of man he is. He applies for a position, but another applicant, with half his ability but twice his self-confidence, wins the preference. At church he is placed in the back pew; at the theater he secures a ticket for a seat behind a pillar; at the hotel he gets the smallest room on the top floor; in the restaurant he gets the toughest steak; in every store the clerks cut him off short or sell him things he does not wish to buy.
Every man should cast out this mental fear and take his proper place in the world. He should hold himself erect, and look at the world strongly and bravely. His outward bearing should constantly express the inward realization of true manhood. When such a man becomes the ‘ self-confident, self-respecting, strong, manly man he ought to be, the world will appraise him as such.